Trying to let go of a person you love can be frustrating, exhausting, and feels, sometimes, fruitless. But knowing why it is such difficult to let go of a person you love can be a helpful way to begin the road to forgiving.
Because, by forgiving, we release the pain that was holding us back from loving fully.
The more we embrace and understand our partner’s hurts and the contributions they have made to our lives, the easier it becomes to let them go.
Understanding also why they act the way they do and not always think the way we do will strengthen our relationship and lead us out of the traps we may have set for them.
If you’ve been trying to let go of someone you love but have not yet been successful, try this as a next step.
- You need to ask yourself: Am I using guilt as a manipulative tool? Do I try to control my partner instead of letting them control themselves? Are my behavior’s an expression of my love or was there something I did years ago that has changed my perceptions and beliefs?
Letting go and reaching a state of inner peace is one of the most powerful things we can do as individuals and can help relieve some of the pressure of trying to let go of someone you love.
One of the most powerful questions one can ask oneself is, Am I Using Guilt As a Manipulative Tool?
In this article you’ll discover whether or not your behaviors are driven by an inner struggle within you and what you can do about it.
The human brain consists of three main regions: the amygdala, the mid-brain, and the hippocampus. Our current model of the brain recognizes three basic functions: survival, affiliation, and behavior.
In our model, our thoughts also exist in our three regions. The question is how come we often use our thought processes as an attachment process? Is it because our memories from the past are linked to our present and our future actions?
The answer lies in the part of the brain called the amygdala, which is related to emotion. This part of the brain is related to our childhood experiences.
When we learn something new, we often connect that thing with a pleasant experience from our past.
This may cause our amygdala to activate (which is what is going on when you’re trying to let go of someone you love) and then store that memory as an emotionally evocative event in our limbic system.
It’s important to note that emotional memories are not necessarily ‘bad’ in themselves. They can serve as cues for how we should behave in various situations.
For example, if you’re afraid of spiders, you might find yourself looking at pictures of them online or at a picture in a magazine.
Even if you believe that spiders are harmful, your amygdala might associate the fear of spiders with an unpleasant memory from your childhood.
Now think about this next scenario. If you were trying to let go of someone you love, and you found a painful event in your childhood, there is a good chance that your amygdala is still sending signals to your limbic system regarding that event.
However, your thoughts have already been stored as attachment patterns to the external world. You don’t want to act out the attachment, but you do have a reaction in the form of anger, fear, or sadness. So that’s why you have those memories.
All this seems strange, and a bit contrived, but remember that life has a strange way of fooling us. We can pretend for a while that everything is working normally, then reality gets in the way.
When trying to let go of a relationship or a marriage, this is one of the ways that the external world gets in the way.
You have to learn to trust yourself more and to take care of yourself first. That’s the only way to have peace and harmony in your life – until you can achieve that state of harmony in all areas of your life.